Last Updated on 12 September 2024 by Colette
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This is not the first time I’ve written about the worry our Amy causes us and I’m fairly sure it won’t be the last.
She’s definitely finding Lockdown hardest of all of us – this is playing out through her wobbly emotions and poor behaviour as well as a slip back towards the compulsive habits we thought we had cracked; currently chewing things (her clothes, the back of the TV remote etc) and twisting her hair into knots. (This is something I’ll write about more in another post next week – I’d actually already written an update about her hair and habits but it needs some editing now before I can publish it!)
We are really trying to be patient but it’s hard at times when she’s basically being a right pain in the backside. When she cuts holes in the top and trousers she’s wearing claiming boredom, it can be hard to feel anything other than really cross at the wilful damage! (The scissors were confiscated and she has been made to replace the clothes from her own money.)
Ruby’s Worry by Tom Percival
After a recommendation from a friend last week, I ordered Amy a copy of Ruby’s Worry which arrived yesterday. It’s a gorgeous book with beautiful illustrations all about a little girl and her “worry”. The worry is pictured as a little monster which I think really helps children to understand a worry as something concrete rather than an abstract idea. Ruby’s worry follows her around, growing bigger and bigger and stopping her from feeling happy and being able to get on with her normal life. Eventually Ruby talks to someone about her worry and it gets smaller then goes away. Of course this is an important lesson in itself but I wanted to use the book to try and dig a little bit into what Amy might be feeling herself.
Amy & I sat and read the story together this afternoon – Amy’s perfectly capable of reading the book herself so I asked her to read it to me, we talked a little about it as we went along to make sure she understood everything but at the end I asked Amy what she thought Ruby might be worried about…
“I thinks she’s worried about the Coronavirus. That she can’t see her family and that they might die. I think that’s what Ruby is worried about because that’s what I’m worried about.”
💔
I was really surprised that Amy has made such a direct link between what Ruby could be worrying about and what Amy was worrying about herself. I had anticipated talking to her about Ruby’s possible worries and then directing Amy towards thinking about her own worries but she went straight there without any guidance from me. I guess this demonstrates a certain level of empathy and emotional intelligence.
We had a good chat about how we are all doing everything we can to keep safe – both within our family and the wider world – and that it isn’t very likely. She told me she was worried about Granny too – so I reminded her that Granny and Grandad are being very careful too; staying at home, not seeing anyone or going out to work etc. She said she was worried about what would happen if we died and where she would live. I explained the practicalities of what would happen and who would take care of her and then I can only assume she was happy with the response as she asked if she could go watch a film!
Although hearing Amy voice that worry made me want to cry, I was also just really relieved to hear her say it and explain what was bothering her. I don’t think had I just asked her outright what was worried about, that she’d have been able to tell me, the book provided the necessary scaffolding for her to be able to express this in a sensible way without it feeling pressured or too focused on her.
I don’t for one second think that reading Ruby’s Worry will have magically fixed Amy’s anxieties but I do think it really helped to open up a conversation about how worrying can make you feel, about how you can help those worries ago away and specifically what Ruby or Amy might have been worrying about.
Have a look at these posts next:
Mental health tips for families
10 amazing children’s books for anxiety
how to support your child’s mental health
huge list of ways to “calm down”
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