Last Updated on 24 August 2023 by Colette
Five months ago, we set Chloe off to secondary school – without her brother, without her closest friends and in fact without really knowing anyone.
This had never been our plan, we wanted Chloe to go to the same school as Ben but the admissions criteria changed and, whereas previously Chloe would have been in a better position to get a place than Ben had been two years earlier, suddenly she now fell short. The goal posts had been moved and for some people this will have been a win, for us it meant that we didn’t get our first choice school.
At the time I had so many people asking me if we were going to appeal and why she hadn’t got a place at a school her brother was already attending – you might be surprised to find out that having a sibling at your first choice secondary school often means very little. This of course depends on the individual LEA and the school itself – but for our first choice school, having a sibling was simply a tie-breaker if all else was equal. And, in terms of appealing, we knew first hand from watching close friends appeal the year before, that there was little chance of success – we had no grounds for appeal beyond me having a tantrum that their admissions criteria had changed and, whilst this felt really unfair, it was equally unfair to everyone so why would our case be any different?
Rather than investing time and energy into an appeal that was bound to fail, we concentrated on working towards accepting and making the best of the hand we had been dealt – seeking out all the positives of Chloe attending our second choice school and making sure that Chloe’s transition to secondary school was as smooth and painless as possible.
After the initial heartbreak of not getting her first choice school, Chloe handled the situation like the absolute queen that she is. She smashed her first term and a half at secondary school – picking up a progress award in the first celebration assembly, narrowly missing a special lunch with the HT for having one of the highest numbers of “positives” in the school and even being picked to help interview for the new AHT. She made friends, she settled and she was thriving.
And yet this week, Chloe moved to a new secondary school and is starting all over again.
A place came up at our original, first choice school – the school her brother goes to, the school we always intended for her to go to.
When Chloe didn’t get a place at the school originally, we had always said we would leave her on the waiting list and just see what happened. We never really expected a place to come up but we had agreed with Chloe that we’d just discuss it if the opportunity ever arose and take her lead.
After the initial shriek of excitement, Chloe panicked and cried – she’s not daft, she knows this is a big move and won’t be easy. At first she wasn’t sure she wanted to do it – but we reminded her that her first gut reaction when we told her the news was one of excitement. We talked about all the benefits of moving secondary schools as well as the downsides and ultimately allowed her to make her own decision.
Changing secondary schools less than half way through Year 7 means leaving her new friends and starting again as the new girl in already established groups. It means having to learn her away around new buildings and prove herself to a whole new set of teachers (though luckily the lines of communication between the two schools are strong). There’s new routines to get her head around as well as a whole set of slightly different rules and expectations. (And yes, we did have to buy a whole new uniform.)
Of course, part of me wonders if we’re doing the right thing? Are we uprooting her unnecessarily? Either path comes with what ifs and should we haves…
After such a strong start to secondary school life, I almost feel as if we are being disloyal to her first school – as if we are cheating on them and letting them down by taking her out when they’ve been nothing but brilliant thus far. We had such lovely emails from both the HT and Chloe’s form tutor letting us know how much she would be missed and wishing her all the best for the future – both of which made me cry. As I said in my reply to the HT, our decision to change secondary schools is in no way a reflection of what we think of the school and I know she would have continued to be happy and successful there.
The plan was never to have three children in three separate schools – and believe me when I say the mental load is hard. I’m definitely looking forward to only having one set of term dates, one set of start and finish times, one school app and one dinner money service to manage for the two of them now!
Chloe has had a hard year of change and disappointment staring with her favourite teacher leaving part way through Y6, then not getting into her first choice secondary school and being separated from all of her friends (four of them ended up in four different high schools). I’m hoping changing secondary schools is the last hurdle and that she can really settle knowing this is it – she’s here till she’s 18 now.
She has faced the last year with resilience, strength and confidence. I know she will rise to the challenge of this move but I also know it won’t be an easy ride for any of us.
I just hope we’ve done the right thing!
For more school chat, read these posts next:
Helping your child to be ready for secondary school
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Aww! Good luck to her in her new school. I am sure she’ll do great. It is far better to change schools now than further down the line. x
Thank you – that’s what we’ve always said to her. Her old school didn’t have a 6th form whereas the new one does so she’d have had to move eventually anyway.
Tough decision to make but hopefully it’s the right one for her, and she’ll settle right in as well as she did at the other. Just the logistics will help so much with the whole family too.
Thank you