Last Updated on 28 January 2024 by Colette
We are two schools deep into our secondary school open evenings (we will visit three in total) and as such, high school applications are weighing heavy on our minds. In fact, it would be safe to say that choosing and applying for secondary school has been on my mind for about five years now.
Choosing a primary school didn’t feel too hard – in fact if anything I was probably quite lax about it. We didn’t go look round any schools, I just chose the school closest to our house, the one my childminder picked up and dropped off at and the one my friend’s children went to – it seemed like a bit of a no-brainer. However, choosing a secondary school has felt stressful from the start – mainly down to complex admissions policies and not really having quite the “choice” that we are lead to believe we do! In a dream world, we’d all just get our first choice school but of course it doesn’t actually work like that.
This is my second go around the merry-go-round of secondary school applications (and won’t be my last!) so I thought now was a good time to share some thoughts – and I’ve also called in the help of friends and professionals who have been there too to share some of their wisdom with you.
When I applied for Ben’s secondary school place, I was frantic. Panicking that I wasn’t making the right choices, panicking that I didn’t really have any choices, panicking that I just didn’t feel in control of a situation that was potentially going to have a massive impact on my boy’s future. I spent the whole of the first half term of Year 6 stressing about it – talking to parents whose children had or hadn’t got into our first choice school, trying to work out the odds of Ben getting in, going to open evenings at both schools, helping Ben to understand the choices we were making – but then, once the forms were in and there was literally nothing I could do but wait, I felt calmer – I was able to “shelve it” and not think about it again till March. And March came around so quickly in the end – I had felt that it would be forever before we knew the outcome of our applications but all of a sudden the email was there, the offer was what we wanted and our boy had a place at our first choice school.
This time, I feel calmer in many ways, I’ve trodden this path once before – I am much clearer in what our options are and how I feel about them. I’m also much more accepting of the fact that I can only do what I can do, and Chloe will get into our first choice school or she won’t . . .
When it comes to applying for secondary school for Chloe, our first choice school remains the same as Ben’s – I’m very happy with the school we chose for him and he’s very happy to be there so of course if makes sense that we would choose for Chloe to be there too. However, the goal posts have moved and, thanks the a global pandemic, the admissions policy has had to be revised and now we don’t know if Chloe will get in or not – we don’t know what effect the changes will have as this will be the first year that they have been implemented. Again, there is nothing she or I can do, she will get a place or she won’t. What is different this time, is that there is a new option, a new school to consider – so rather than the two schools we visited and applied for for Ben, there are three options for Chloe.
Although ultimately the decision about which high schools to apply for rests with Dave and I – this is a process we have involved Chloe in. We want her to be involved in the choices we make and to understand them. With Ben, his first choice and second choice were different to ours until we went to the open evenings and he left the second school saying, “I get it now, I get why you want me to go to that school, I want to go there too” – even though it wasn’t the school his mates would be going to, even though it wasn’t the school closest to home, he understood our choices and agreed with them. Chloe is feeling much the same way I think and the open evenings have played a really key part in that – in experiencing the schools for herself. The other bonus of taking Chloe to the open evenings with us is that she is now really excited about going to secondary school – it doesn’t feel as scary now, just really cool and something to look forward to!
Even though we still have one more school to visit this week, I’ve actually already filled in the online application form and the associated supplementary information forms (this is specific to two of the schools we are applying for and is used it the schools are oversubscribed so do check if this is something you need to consider). I know what our choices are – I’ve visited the schools before with Ben – and really going to the open evenings this time round is purely for Chloe’s benefit.
As we are talking to Chloe now about her secondary school place – we are keen to emphasis that whilst we can have our first, second, third or even sixth choice – we just have to wait and see what we are offered by the LEA and take it from there. I don’t want her to have her heart set on a school (even though mine is!) for her to then not get in come March.
If you’re in the throes of applying for secondary school, or are going to be considering it in the coming years, then take a deep breath, stay calm and do your research . . .
And, take the advice of the parents who go before you:
Me – Primary school teacher and mum of three:
Remember that when you do go to the open evenings, it’s all a sales pitch – in our experience, you’ll probably get a talk from the HT which will give you a good feel for things then get to go round the school visiting subject departments and doing some activities. They will have their best students out doing their most exciting activities which is really cool for helping your child to feel more excited for what high school will be like, however the HT talk was key for me at highlighting the differences between our choices. If you can, I wholly recommend visiting the school during the day so you get a more “real” feel for it rather than the performance of an open evening.
Liz G – Primary school teacher and mum of two:
As a pre-COVID parent I would say it is essential to look around schools. Go firstly when your child is in Y5, this gives you time to process and to look again in Y6. Get a “feel “ for the place and staff, does it feel right for your child? This is so important, there was a school I had picked out as a favourite however when I went I quickly changed my mind to “my child is NOT coming here!”
Rebecca S – Mum of two
When choosing new schools go with a completely open mind. We ended up loving the one I thought we would hate! But ultimately let the kids choose, they’ve got to be there, doesn’t matter if you don’t like something – it matters if your child does! When my son was in Year 6, I offered extra curricular activities again, this helps to forge friendships outside of school and remind them they can make new friends.
Pippa A – Mum of two
As mum to a ‘Covid’ Y6 child . . . we had to make decisions on high schools by watching videos made by the schools, initially. We’d thought of attending open evenings in Y5 only to be told that there was no need as Y6 would be much better. I’d definitely advise families to begin looking in Y5 as, if Covid has taught us nothing else, the future is never guaranteed.
If you are in the position of trying to decide on high school places without looking around them, for whatever reason, then there’s a variety of things we did which helped: Speak to parents with children in the schools you are considering, ask the questions about the things that concern you. Speak to the teachers and the schools you are considering. My son has additional needs and the head of Y7 at our chosen school was able to organise a tour out of hours to show him the school, this really helped with transition for him. A very wise person once told me that you are your child’s first advocate and, if you don’t speak up for them then no-one else will.
Lauren R – Mum of two
Let me start by saying that Daisy is a very typical first-born child, very steady, focused and mature. She isn’t the most socially confident child, and moving from Primary to High School definitely felt huge (especially as she was at a very insular 1-form entry primary).
For a number of reasons, we decided to send Daisy to a different school to her main group of girl-friends. Whilst we knew this was the right thing for her long-term, it meant that we had to negotiate quite hard with Daisy to get her on-board. Thankfully after visiting both schools open evenings, Daisy felt really confident in ‘her’ choice.
Whilst it may be difficult due to Covid restrictions, I would highly recommend visiting or doing lots of research into the schools you have on your ‘shortlist’ in year 4 or 5 – sometimes, the ‘best’ school, isn’t always the ‘best’ school for your child – you will know in your gut what feels right, we certainly did!
I would also recommend doing LOTS talking as a family about what is important for you and your child. We certainly go more with how something ‘feels’, whereas there were lots of parents there asking lots of ‘progress’ related questions – I guess what I’m saying is, whatever your ‘thing’ is, make sure you have that prepared in advance, so you walk away from the open evenings knowing you have answered all the questions you may have – don’t get caught up in someone else’s ‘plan’ (I’d recommend visiting as a family, rather than going with a gang of other friends/families). It can feel very overwhelming for everyone, so having a plan of which rooms / blocks / subjects you really want to see as you might get caught-up with a chatty/enthusiastic staff member in a subject area you don’t really connect with.
Also, most schools allow you to visit on days when the school is operating – don’t be afraid to contact the office and ask if this is possible – they are often happy to show you around during the school day, so you can get a really good ‘feel’ for the place.
Advice for parents applying for secondary school
If you’ve got any questions about our experience of applying for secondary school or just want to chat about the whole high school applications thing then find me on twitter or leave me a comment here – and, if you’ve got experiences or advice to add to this post that you think will be helpful to other parents in this position drop me an email on Colette@goingonanadventure.co.uk and I’ll add you in!
Why not read these posts next:
Things to teach your child now to help them be ready for secondary school
Changing secondary school in Year 7
We survived Year 7 – just about!
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