Last Updated on 14 January 2025 by Colette
This Thursday, Ben will turn 11 and finally get his hands on his very own mobile phone. A moment he has been counting down to on every birthday for the last three or four years!
What age should a child have a mobile phone?
We decided that his 11th birthday was a good time ahead of him starting high school: he will be getting the bus to school on his own and will his friends will likely no longer live on his doorstep.
Over the years we’ve laid the groundwork for how we’d like Ben to use his mobile phone with the rules we set for the kids using their tablets eg no tablet / x box after tea, don’t take your tablet upstairs, check before you go on it, don’t download stuff without permission. All of these rules were building towards setting out our expectations for his mobile phone use.
Setting out our expectations for responsible mobile phone use
Although Dave and I had a good idea of what our own rules & guidelines would be around our tween having a smartphone, I thought it would be a good idea to get Ben to write his too – just to see what he came up with. And actually he came up with a suggestion I hadn’t thought of – which was not using his phone before he leaves the house in the morning. Beyond that, his suggestions were very much inline with our own ideas – which I was pleased with as it means not only is he not going to get a shock when we talk to him about our expectations, but he’s also more likely to stick to them.
As well as asking Ben for his own suggestions, I put a shout out on my social media to see what rules parents have for their kids’ mobile phones and they were very much in line with what we were already thinking. The most popular being: Mobile phone kept downstairs over night, parents having access to their child’s phone to spot check if required and an expectation of honesty. There was also a lot of love for Google Family Link as a means of keeping a check on your child’s devices and setting “digital guidelines”. Dave had actually already set Google Family Link up on Ben’s phone ahead of him getting it later this week so I was pleased to see that it was a popular suggestion and something that people felt worked well for them.
When it comes to introducing our kids to new tech we often have quite a few rules or guidelines set out which then get relaxed over time as they demonstrate that they can be trusted to manage their time and use effectively. Although I’ve written this as a set of rules, it’s really more about the conversations we need to have (or already have had) and our expectations for Ben to use his smart phone responsibly. It’s an entirely flexible list and something that we will add to or change as things go along and we learn what works.
Smartphone rules for tweens
1. Keep your phone charged
2. Don’t take your phone upstairs
3. Don’t use your phone before you leave the house in the morning
4. Make sure you keep your phone turned on when you are out
5. Turn your phone off at 7pm unless you are out somewhere
6. Always answer your phone if Mum or Dad ring
7. Your phone is your responsibility, don’t lose it!
8. Don’t use your phone at school – you know the rules!
9. While Mum & Dad are paying the bill, they get to set the rules
10. Mum & Dad will know the codes for your phone & anything on it
11. Don’t take or share pictures of body parts that should be covered up!
12. Don’t forward inappropriate content – if you wouldn’t want Mum to see it, it shouldn’t be on your phone
13. If you use up all your data, tough.
14. Speak politely to people either by phone or text – just as you would in real life
15. Don’t use your phone at the table
16. Don’t answer your phone when you’re having a conversation with someone (unless it’s Mum or Dad – then always answer!)
17. Keep your phone locked when you’re not using it
18. Don’t carry your phone around in your hand when you’re out – but if someone tries to steal it from you just let them have it
19. No social media!
20. If something is making you sad or uncomfortable or you’re just not sure about it – talk to Mum & Dad!
For the most part I do anticipate Ben being pretty sensible with his phone – I trust him to make the right choices – he knows he will soon lost the privilege if he doesn’t use his phone appropriately. I’m definitely really nervous about him having a phone – but I’m also looking forward to being able to text him and check in when he’s not at home!
How old were your kids when they got their first mobile phone? Or are you still holding out? Have you got any rules that I’ve missed?
Why not read these posts next:
How to keep on top of your teen’s mobile phone bill
9 Reasons to set up Family Link on your child’s phone
Things to teach your child now to help them be ready for secondary school
We survived Year 7 – just about!
20 Inspiring TED talks for kids, tweens and teens
If you have enjoyed this post and found it helpful, here are a few ways you can say thanks and support We’re going on an adventure:
Click here to buy me a virtual coffee – it’s like a little tip jar but with caffeine!
I’d love for you to tag me in any photos of your adventures on Social Media if one of my posts has inspired you to visit
Click here to leave We’re going on an adventure a Google Review
Share this post with your friends – you’ll be helping me and them!
Follow We’re going on an adventure on Facebook or Instagram
Both of my girls got mobile phones when they started secondary school too. It seemed right as they were walking too and from school without me.
My girls are nearly 13 and 18 amd we still use most of these rules.
I was intending to get one for secondary school but the OH got N a basic one in April due to him sometimes taking the dogs out on his own up the field. Its limited to ringing only those.programmed in the phone, and no Internet, but so far it’s just the OH who’s rung him and he’s taken photos of the dog and cows. These are some really helpful tips
Set a special ringtone for mum and dad so it’s obvious immediately that it’s a priority call that needs to be answered!
Love those rules. Lily has a phone from 6 in the end which was completely unplanned but she needed a device for home school with Teams and I had an old iPhone in the drawer.
It doesn’t have a sim but she has a few family numbers she can message on our wife like grandparents and auntie!
Yes completely agree – Ben and Chloe both have special ringtones for Dave and I.