As the saying goes,
“You cannot pour from an empty cup”
And my cup is feeling pretty empty. My cup of patience at any rate.
Last night I shared this post on my instagram:
I have found the last week or so really hard going – the kids are absolutely doing my head in and instead of dealing with things calmly, I’m finding myself shouting and ranting. This is not the mum I want to be. Shouting gets me nowhere other than making me feel guilty and the kids feel sad. It doesn’t make them get ready for school any quicker, or stop them bickering, or make them use quieter voices to speak to each other.
As I said in my Siblings post earlier in the week, the irony of me shouting at my kids to stop shouting is not lost on me.
I think in part this is hormonal, my cycle is to pot – I’ve had two periods within two weeks of each other and it’s exhausting. But mainly I think I just need a little time to myself. This sounds ridiculous – I work from home and have the best part of two days and two mornings at home on my own – you’d think that would count as “space”. But, this isn’t “me time” – this is work. I sit at my desk, I take photos, I write, I edit, I scroll. I sort the house, I clean, I wash, I iron. I don’t take time to just be me. Usually when I find myself irritable and short on patience, I plan in a cheeky night at the Trafford Centre with Mich and we spend the evening chatting, shopping and eating cake – it sorts me right out! For one reason or another we’ve not managed to do this in months and months however over the coming week I’ve got a long lunch date planned in with Karen (which sort of counts as work!), a shopping trip with Mich and then dinner in Leeds my friend Hannah. I’m fully expecting that by this time next week my cup will be feeling considerably fuller.
In the meantime I need to get in some early nights, tick some stuff off my to do list so that there’s more room in my head and dig deep.