I’m going to be the Farmer’s wife

For as long as I can remember, if you asked Amy what she wanted to be when she grew up she would answer that she was going to be a farmer.  This started as “Feeding cows” when she was just two and has developed into a full blown obsession with cows and wanting to be a dairy farmer when she’s older.

Amy with cows at Smithills

Amy and I were chatting about it again this morning, I asked her what she was going to be when she grows  up and she told me,

I’m going to be the farmer’s wife

I was gutted.

I explained to her that she can be the farmer, she can be the boss, she can be the one who looks after the cows.  I told her she can do whatever job she wants to do and that there aren’t boy jobs or girl jobs.

She went on to tell me that she wants to be a Mummy, so we talked about how you can still be a Mummy and do jobs too – that she can be a Mummy and still look after cows if she wants to.

But it made me sad, that at not quite 4 years old, society is already imposing it’s ideals and expectations on my baby girl – intentionally or not.  I’m sure that at no point has anybody actually told her she can’t be a farmer because she’s a girl – but somewhere along the line, she’s picked that up and decided that because she’s a girl, that means she has to be the farmer’s wife.

We’ve come so far . . . but there’s still such a long way to go.

Amy at nearly 4

Little girl, my little star – you can be whatever you want to be, don’t ever let anyone else dull your sparkle and impose their expectations on you.  If you want to be a dairy farmer then grab the bull by the horns (!) and do it.  Equally if you want to be a stay at home Mummy then that’s your choice.  Nobody else gets to have a say.



  1. October 22, 2017 / 10:04 pm

    Aww Colette, bless you! It is the cutest thing that Amy loves cows and wants to be a farmer (or farmer’s wife) so much. I know what you mean though, Lily told me she didn’t want to watch Thomas The Tank Engine anymore the other day as it was a ‘boy’s show’. I’ve no idea where she’s gotten that from, if anywhere, and it just shows how easy it is for society to influence our little ones! x

  2. Fatima
    October 22, 2017 / 10:34 pm

    Your little girl is adorable and itโ€™s lovely to know about the thoughts of the children. I agree with you, she should do whatever she likes and enjoys doing.

  3. Hannah
    October 23, 2017 / 12:08 am

    I hate these stupid labels that society puts on people. If she wants to be a farmer, then why not. I think its great

  4. October 23, 2017 / 8:04 am

    Oh bless her. It’s so hard isn’t it? I agree, they can be whatever they want to be, and we’ll be there every step of the way! In contrast, mine wants to be a nursery worker and look after children, but 6 months prior it was to be a doctor! #TheOrdinaryMoments

  5. October 23, 2017 / 10:19 am

    Awww. It is such a shame when they do that. I remember my daughter once saying “a dental nurse” after saying dentist for ages. My response was obviously enough because she’s currently studying to go to uni to do dentistry – so fingers crossed! I’m sure your reaction would have been the same.as mine was with my daughter xx

  6. October 23, 2017 / 3:38 pm

    I love that she wants to be a farmer and I hope that she has listened to you and continues with this dream. Society still has a long way to go x

  7. October 23, 2017 / 9:00 pm

    I have been shocked at the sexist things that come out of my kids mouths (mostly my little boy!) and I have no idea where they pick it up from.. but I guess kids are pretty clever and read between the lines of the ads and shows they watch and the world they see around them. Still, I wouldn’t be too worried about a daughter of yours letting other people decide things for her – I’m betting she’s got her mamma’s grit!

  8. Patrick
    October 23, 2017 / 9:00 pm

    Maybe you can break that chain by having a farmer show her how a farm works from farmer’s POV. See if there any women run farms in your area and take Amy to meet them.

  9. October 23, 2017 / 9:02 pm

    Aww bless her. I totally get where you are coming from though, and it’s up to us to teach our little ones that women can be anything they want to be! We can be the boss!

  10. Linsay
    October 23, 2017 / 11:16 pm

    Aww Amy is such a cutie and I’m sure with your advice she will grow up realising she can do anything she puts her mind to.

  11. October 23, 2017 / 11:20 pm

    You are right! It is so sad how society conditions us into thinking a certain way about the roles we are made to think we must fulfill. I know that with your guidance your girl will understand that she can be the independent strong woman that she wants to be x

  12. Lynne Harper
    October 24, 2017 / 5:30 pm

    Aww this is so sweet Collette, I love children who are determined I’m sure with your positive approach and guidance this little one will go far and achieve her dreams x

  13. October 24, 2017 / 6:01 pm

    This is so adorable – you go Amy and chase your dairy farmer dreams. It’s sad she thinks of being a “farmers wife” but hopefully with your advice she’ll realise she can do anything ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Bridie By The Sea
    October 25, 2017 / 11:20 am

    Oh bless you, it is sad when you hear them so young talking about men vs women’s jobs. Emma is only 2.5 years old and she tells me that mummy goes in the kitchen and daddy fixes the lights. I just hope that if we keep talking to them about it, they’ll realise they can be whatever they want to be xx

  15. Jen
    October 25, 2017 / 2:52 pm

    I agree we have come a long way but still have a long way to go. I would perhaps try to encourage her to be a vet being a farmer is a hard hard life!

  16. October 25, 2017 / 5:32 pm

    with two girls I can totally relate to this. I work from home and Eddy goes out to work and I try so hard to reinforce that gender doesn’t matter and yet somehow once they have other friends and school in the mix it all becomes muddles. Though I am sure with you there to guide her she will grow up to be whoever she wants to be x #TheOrdinaryMoments

  17. October 25, 2017 / 10:40 pm

    You can tell her now from me that being a farmer’s wife isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…but then I have a different job, and I’m married to a farmer, and I’m a mum. So even cooler, I’m 3 in 1! But I do know a few friends who are farmer’s wives but also do lots of the work on the farm too.

    I have the similar issue with N. According to him I don’t know anything about the farm because I’m not a farmer, and that of course women can’t be farmers, although he does recognise that there’s a cool lady who drives the tractors up the sileage clamp, delivers the feed and obviously there are lots of female vets he knows. It’s certainly hard to get it through their heads even though they see women doing these jobs in front of them

    • Colette
      October 26, 2017 / 10:43 am

      It’s a long battle to be fought isn’t it. I’m sure she’ll want to do an entirely different job in years to come – I just hope her decision isn’t influenced by her gender.

  18. October 25, 2017 / 10:44 pm

    I would love her to be a farmer – and a wife, and a Mummy. Hopefully in a few years she’ll see that she can have it all x

    • Colette
      October 26, 2017 / 10:36 am

      Here’s hoping!

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