They know

Last Updated on 3 November 2022 by Colette

It’s Wednesday morning and I’m rushing to get ready for work – the kids are already downstairs and have had breakfast, I’m just grabbing my last bits before we all dash out of the door together.

“Mum, Ben says the tooth fairy doesn’t exist and now she won’t come to me!”

I look at Ben and then, without missing a beat slip into full damage limitation mode, telling Amy not to be silly and that of course the tooth fairy exists and would absolutely be bringing her coins when her teeth eventually fall out. Ben says something about having evidence that he does’t want to share, I give him a look and say, “Did you see your Dad coming in to check on you when he went to bed last night?“. Thankfully Ben clocks my face and agrees that yes, indeed, that must have been what had happened. I send Amy off to finish getting ready and whip Ben and Chloe into the kitchen for a discreet chat.

That’s it. They both know. I’m gutted. They are gutted. They both tell me they wish they didn’t know. I speak to them quietly, impressing on them the importance of the special secret they must keep, about how grown up they now are and about the magic that must not be spoiled for Amy or anyone else.

“Mum, can I ask you some questions when the girls have gone to bed?”

I pick Ben and Chloe up from school and Ben tells me he wishes he could forget what he knows and that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it all day. He asks if he can ask me some questions when the girls have gone to bed. I hold him tight and tell him, “Yes, of course“.

It’s bedtime, the girls have gone to bed so Ben and I curl up on the sofa together. I’m dreading what’s coming next.

“Mum, what did you do with my teeth?”

I explain that I have kept them. That they are tucked away in a drawer, in an envelope and that Daddy thinks it’s a bit odd. He asks to see them and I tell him he can, but not tonight.

“Mum, is anything else fake?”

I pause and then ask him, “Do you really want to know? Don’t forget, you were sad when you found out about the tooth fairy?“.

He thinks for a moment and I hold my breath.

“If Christmas is fake, don’t tell me. But, is the Easter Bunny real?”

I laugh and tell him no, that’s Aunty Nic. He says he suspected it might be so we ring her to say thank you. Aunty Nic is as gutted as I am but recruits Ben to help her for next year. Ben and I chat some more about the Easter Bunny and decide that he won’t mention it to Chloe even though she has her suspicions as it would be a shame to spoil it for her before we have to. We agree that growing up is just a bit sh*t. He goes to bed telling me has lots to think about.

I think we’ve got away with it. The damage has been limited. We can all carry on. I breathe.

Sunday afternoon and Ben is singing “I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus” and looking pointedly at me, I laugh and say I’ve never kissed Santa Claus and Ben quietly says, “I have my suspicions“, I look at him. Chloe starts to speak, I know what’s coming. I stop her and I take her into the other room away from the smallest of ears.

“Mum, is Father Christmas real?”

In that instant I know it’s over.

Any other time. Any other week. I’d ask “What do you think?” and we’d talk about the magic of Father Christmas and how it all works, and how he can only come if you believe.

But I know.

She knows.

Edited to add: Chloe was in Year 4 and had just turned 8 that summer, Ben was in Year 6 and had turned 10 that summer.