Time ladies and gentleman please . . .

That’s it.  The bar is now closed.  Permanently. Calling time on the milk bar has been a tough one for me – I started dropping feeds at the end of July but haven’t quite been able to bring myself to end those last night time feeds until now.  This is in part due to the fact that it’s so much easier to just pop a boob in and get her back to bed than it is to mess around with bottles and trying to settle her otherwise – yes perhaps I’m lazy but I just want to be asleep like everyone else.

But there’s more to it than that.  Much as I want need a full night’s sleep, I know I will miss those sleepy night time feeds.  The time when it’s just me and Amy, snuggled up together warm and drowsy. I look at her little face in wonder – I drink in her sleepy little contended sighs and want to freeze those moments.  Moments that I will never get back and never have again.  Breastfeeding has been a special experience for me with each of my babies and I’ve always been sad when the time has come to stop.  Never more so than now as I know its final.

For the last few weeks we’ve been holding “Happy Hour” with the bar open just at night but like all good things, this had to come to and end.  Amy was still waking at least twice a night, if not more.  I had been torn between waiting for her to be in her own room when I knew it would be easier for Dave to go in for a few nights and her not know I was there . . . or just getting on with it in the hope she would finally learn to sleep through and we’d all get a better night’s sleep.

breastfeeding 10 month old baby
One of our final bedtime feeds x

In the end my being away for the MADS over night made the perfect full stop – Dave was going to be feeding her while I was away for the night anyhow and I reasoned that with only doing a couple of feeds a night my supply would likely suffer anyway.  As it was we did our last feed in the early hours of Thursday morning and I’ve had absolutely no discomfort or leaking since.

On Monday morning, after two nights where she hadn’t slept any better at all, I fully regretted my decision to stop.  I wished I had waited.  I knew it was too late.  The main reason for finally stopping was selfish really, I wanted her to sleep through.  If she wasn’t going to sleep through then why was I wasting time and money on bottles that could have been breast . . . ?

Last night however, she only woke once and even slept in for a bit in the morning.  I had a full, blissful 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep for the first time in quite some time.  Of course I appreciate that might not be the case tonight, it might have been a fluke rather than the start of a habit but it made me feel better about my decision.  Either way it’s done now and there’s no going back.

Dave has been getting up to do the feeds since Saturday as we figured she would take the bottle more happily from him.  I didn’t want her to think I was holding back on her.  I assume by now that my milk has all but dried up and she will soon forget that was ever an option.

So that’s it.  The bar is closed.  There will be no more breastfeeding for this Mummy.

(On the plus side it means I can rediscover the joy of WIRE and wear whatever I want without having to think about easy access or if you can see my breast pads)

23 Comments

  1. Karen Monkeyfooted Mummy
    September 23, 2014 / 9:50 pm

    We haven't yet closed the bar but were nearing last orders! I feel very sad about it but feel the time is right!

  2. September 24, 2014 / 8:39 pm

    Understand how you feel. I have felt sad every time I have come to the end of feeding each of my boys, and I just know I'll be a total mess this time round because this time will be the last ever last time. ((hugs))

    Yay for the bright sides though…. I miss my nice bras too!

    • September 25, 2014 / 3:52 pm

      Getting back in the wire is definitely a bonus – looking forward to buying some nice new underwear x

  3. September 24, 2014 / 8:47 pm

    Aww, it is an emotional time but there are so many new and exciting stages coming so I hope you're not too sad! Over from #MMWBH 🙂 x

  4. September 24, 2014 / 9:42 pm

    Ahhh Colette, I almost shed a tear for you as I just did this with MM and I know how hard it was with Buba too. It is so hard to let go and give up those feeds and not feel emotional over it and like a mini era has passed us by. They grow up so quick and I can relate I miss it so very much. That one on one in the middle of the night bonding and cuddling. Its an amazing feeling. I love this post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share WIth Me. Also amazing to see you at the MADs great dancing wish I could have joined you all! #sharewithme

  5. Pippa Ainsworth
    September 25, 2014 / 10:59 am

    I found it so hard to give up with LM, I really thought we would go on longer but she was almost humouring me in the last few days and she never missed it. I still miss it though, it is such a special time. Hope the good nights continue.

    • September 25, 2014 / 10:02 pm

      Tonight was the first time I think she has really missed it. She was horribly upset at bedtime and just couldn't settle herself. Previously I'd have snuggled up with her for a feed but that clearly wasn't an option tonight and it was hard 🙁 x

  6. Felicity Kelly
    September 25, 2014 / 10:28 pm

    You've obviously done a fab job and will treasure those memories but sleep is sooo good!!

    • September 26, 2014 / 8:43 pm

      I'm certainly looking forward to rediscovering it that's for sure!

  7. September 25, 2014 / 11:26 pm

    I imagine this is such an emotional time but you'll always have that special bond!
    AliceMegan

  8. Tas D
    September 26, 2014 / 7:46 am

    Its like the end of a beautiful era, i know I felt really sad when we closed the milk bar even though it was time really. Here's to lots of beautiful wired bras though 🙂

  9. September 26, 2014 / 7:35 am

    It's coming up to two years since I stopped feeding and I remember how hard I fond those first few weeks, it's the end of something only you two shared, almost a secret weapon that only Mummy has. However E started sleeping so much better and after a few days really didn't miss it. I hope Amy starts to sleep better for you and you enjoy being wired again! I think it's definitely an excuse to go and buy some posh new bras!

    • September 26, 2014 / 8:44 pm

      Definitely – there's been a couple of times I've really missed that secret weapon this last week!
      x

  10. September 26, 2014 / 7:41 am

    Aww. This photo is lovely. It must be difficult stopping – I suppose it is a little shared moment that you and Amy have together that nobody else is really a part of. However, there are all the positives – you have done great and now it is time to reclaim your boobies, well done 🙂 x

    • September 26, 2014 / 8:44 pm

      This is it – its the one thing that only I could do for her. She doesn't need me quite so much now x

  11. September 26, 2014 / 9:40 am

    Aw this is quite a sad post but you have had the amzing experience to treasure

    xXx

    #sharefriday

  12. September 26, 2014 / 10:05 am

    Such a hard decision to make and good for you as it certainly seems like the right move, and I hope Amy will continue to have those little lie-ins! 😉 Thanks for linking up woth #MMWBH xx

  13. September 26, 2014 / 10:54 am

    Aww Colette. The end of an era. Now it's time to look to the next batch of fun times 🙂

  14. emma lander
    September 26, 2014 / 6:44 pm

    Aww Colette it must have been really difficult to make this decision. I wanted (ok want) to keep Boo a baby forever. But woohoo for wire and high neck tops. Just in time for the polo neck season 🙂

  15. September 26, 2014 / 9:04 pm

    Aw I can imagine it was a hard decision. Hope the little one continues sleeping better! I wish I could have breastfed but didn't manage more than a week unfortunately 🙁 So you've done so well! #sharewithme

  16. September 26, 2014 / 9:18 pm

    Its such a bitter sweet moment. Both of mine went to 16 months 🙁

  17. September 27, 2014 / 4:53 pm

    Ah what a lovely post. It really is emotional when it all ends, and I've found it hard each time too. But now begins a new adventure for you both x x x

  18. Clare Nicholas
    September 29, 2014 / 1:12 pm

    awww what a lovely post – i remember my last feeds and was SO glad of the comfy bras again

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.